Tease Me, Better

OK. I’ve been product-​​pitched by PR com­panies as a (sort-​​of) journ­alist many times. I have been pitched as a blogger a few times.

This week’s malarkey is a new thing entirely. A teaser/​blogger-​​outreach campaign.

On Monday I received a plain brown envelope.

It con­tained a blacked out memo, but the remaining words revealed some­thing about a military oper­a­tion. Ooooh! There was a little brown envelope, too. What’s inside?? Oooh a mobile phone SIM card!

Plug it into my phone imme­di­ately, of course!

Oh

Nothing.

No top secret texts.. no nothing. No credit on the pay-​​as-​​you-​​go SIM either.

Meanwhile, my clever assistant was all over the memo and thought enough to google the word ‘nanosuit’, one of the few remaining legible words on the memo. There’s a new game coming out today called Crysis that involves the prot­ag­onist wearing a nanosuit. It has to be them behind this, since any other mention of ‘nanosuit’ on the web is about science and that.

Next day. I’m thinking they might send me a phone to put that SIM card into! Woo hoo! Errr.. no. I get an email (once it came out of the spam bin) from a ‘top-​​secret’ website saying they need help with an audio file. There’s a link to a delib­er­ately unfin­ished site, so you go straight into the file browser. Lots of areas are inac­cess­ible, what with this being top-​​secret. I poke about a bit, as you do. Eventually, I find an mp3 file — aha — that must be it!

I download it. My computer plays that format in iTunes. It’s called ‘Crysis — final — approved’ in the title bar. It contains some audio of combat footage and some guy talking about being behind enemy lines (or some­thing). I am not at all sure how I am supposed to help them with this. Run it through some audio filters, perhaps?

Very top secret, then.

And I am supposed to write about the launch of your game because…? It’s not about anything that this blog is supposed to be about. I know I make excep­tions some­times, but come on?

P.S. Yes, I have written about it anyway and, yes, free stuff is always welcome so long as I am allowed to be sar­castic about it. Drew reckons it’s “Very cool and slick”, so maybe I’m just a grumpy bastard.

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